Please allow me to interrupt the Christmas series so I can publicly sulk. Nolan turns 2 in exactly 2 weeks from today, in 2 weeks my baby will be a toddler. Sigh.
Before I had Nolan I was an emotional stable, non sentimental woman. Not so much the case now when it comes to Nolan. I struggled with his 1st birthday and now again with his 2nd. I can't really put my finger on what causes this response. If it's the fact that he's growing so quickly, my fears of the unknown world of parenting a toddler/kid/teenager/man or just that I will miss the way it is now. Probably a combination of them all but the last one weighs most heavily on me.
Whenever I get in this mood Pat reminds me that it is better that he grow older then the alternative. He has a very good point but I wish somehow I could slow it all down and savor this time with Nolan as a baby because I know I will miss it very very much. More then I can effectively describe really.
Those moments when he isn't embarrassed to seek my comfort, his confidence to repeatedly walk up to strangers to say "hi", how he doesn't hesitate to rock out to Fleetwood Mac in just his diaper, the way he carves his own path to reach milestones or how he can laugh the loudest at his own goofiness will always be my favorite memories of baby Nolan. I realize that maturity, peer pressure, conformity, self consciousness, or whatever will eventually wear away at his unapologetic, silly sense of self and that is a real bummer.
Despite these moments of sadness, I remind myself that we are still learning about who Nolan is and that there are a lot of adventures ahead and that helps me get through these transitions. So I will put my brave mama hat on and face this 2nd birthday with optimism and happiness that Nolan has brought so much joy to our lives...but keep the tissues close!
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